Am I Failing As A Mother?

It's hard not to compare yourself to other parents isn't it. You know you shouldn't, and you know it's ridiculous. You want to be able to give your children the whole world, everything they deserve, but you can't always. I often find myself wondering if I am good enough. If I give my little ones enough, if they have enough experiences and joy in their lives. So looking at other parents and comparing their "lives" to ours is hard. It makes me feel guilty, and I think to myself Am I Failing As A Mother?

I work hard every night, for hours on end to try to make something of myself. Not just to make ends meet, but to be able to give my little ones all I can. To be able to go out, buy them things, take them on holiday but it's hard. Some weeks we just..make it through without being able to buy anything aside from food. Not having a lot of money is really tough and when you can only just make ends meet sometimes, clearly there's not enough to be able to treat anyone. When your little ones beg you for a magazine, and they ask really sweetly and politely and you really want to get them a little something, but you just don't have enough money, that's tough. You cant spare a few pounds to treat your little ones. We don't drive, and that makes getting around anywhere a lot harder too. 

I try and make the most of all the time we have together at home, (they'll both be at Nursery in September) I let them make mess with their toys, we go for walks and to the park, we meet up with friends. I often spend a few hours in the evening preparing fun activities for the week, I try and do all I can to ensure they are enjoying themselves, and don't get bored. But when you cant really go out anywhere far, or spend money on days out, there's that guilt again. I also think it's a bit of jealousy when you see these other parents on social media doing all these fun things, and you just cant.

I've been having a few moments recently and I've come to realise - What is the point of comparing yourself to others or being jealous. Who does that help? What good will that do anyone? We've actually managed to book a little holiday for our family in August. Our first family holiday ever. Yes my little girl is 3 and my little guy is 2 and we've never taken them on holiday. I always felt guilty about that, but that doesn't matter now because we are finally going away for a few days, it's definitely going to be good for all of us to get out of our daily routine for a while. 

And in all honesty, no matter how guilty I feel deep down. I don't feel like my little ones think that way. They are not unhappy kids by any means. They are loved, fed, taken care of. Appreciated, acknowledged and we spend quality time with them all the time. They never ask for much, and they never put up a fight when we cant afford something. They might only be little, but they are very understanding and sweet.

So..We are finally having a holiday. I am continuing to work my butt off to make something of myself, to be able to live a comfortable not extravagant life, and to be able to give my little ones what they deserve.

Screw comparison & jealousy.

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