8 Reasons To Never Feel Pressured For Another Baby

 *This is a collaborative post

There is something so sweet about planning a new baby in your family. If you have a baby at home already, you’ll remember how excited and happy you felt to be able to bring a new life into the world. The pregnancy was glowy and beautiful, the birth was hypnotic and in the water pool - it all went to perfection. The problem? Now every single person you know is asking you ‘when is the next one’ over and over again. When is the next baby? Your baby need a sibling? You can’t possibly just have one! All of these statements and questions can make you less likely to ever want another child, but it’s not something that should make you feel pressured to procreate more perfect versions of you.

The perfect unique gender-neutral nursery ideas might crop up on your social media and your first child is getting bigger. There are always little things that pop up to make you imagine what another baby in the family would be like, but it’s off-putting to have the idea pushed on you. The older family members give the knowing look and nod and all you want to do is run - and we get it. There are so many wonderful reasons to expand your family, but being told to do it or pushed to do it isn't going to be the way that you should go. Pressure just makes it something you do because it’s “what you do”, and when this happens, you end up resenting not being able to make your choices about your next baby in your own time. No one should ever feel pressured to have a new baby, whether it’s because of the new babies popping up on TikTok or the new nursery colour schemes on social media doing the pressuring. If you’re feeling that pressure as a constant in life right now, here are eight reasons you shouldn't allow it to get to you!

  1. No one knows what you’re thinking. You might have loved your first pregnancy, but there’s nothing to say that you’ll love another one. Or perhaps you loved the experience but you have no intention of doing it again! You might be loving the bubble you have with your first child but equally you cannot wait to get back out to work, suffocated in motherhood. We all have our own thoughts and ideas that are unique to us, and you can feel as nervous as you need to about the idea of expanding your family. 

  2. No one else is in your body. Pregnancy the first time around is an overwhelmingly new experience, but have you ever heard of secondary infertility? That’s when the body doesn't quite do what it’s supposed to do the second time around, and you experience infertility or issues with ovulation to the point you need some additional help to get pregnant. No one else out there knows your body, how you have healed the first time and what you want to do with it. It’s fair to say that only you know your body, and it’s your body that will determine whether you want another baby, or whether you're ready for it at all.

  3. No one else knows your life. Right now, we’re all in the midst of a pandemic. You don't have certainty of when you can pick up and see your family members and you might not have the best support out there, either. Do you want to bring a new baby into an environment that doesn't allow you support? Probably not. No one else (not even the nodding relatives) know what you are going through in your personal life, and if your life isn't quite set up for a new child, then you shouldn't be pressured into it.

  4. No one else is funding the baby. Oh, the classic! You have to remember that while you might like the idea of a new baby one day, the more people pressure you to do it, the more you might be inclined to ask whether they plan to pay for the new baby. There is no one other than you and your partner who know your circumstances financially and all of those well-meaning and pushy relatives out there aren't the ones paying the bills. Therefore, they need to firmly and politely be told to keep their lips closed until they’re adding money to your pocket to pay for the baby!

  5. No one knows your reality. The life change that comes with being a parent is often underrated. Those lovely Facebook pictures you show off online aren't going to be a true reflection of your life, and while they show the happy moments, they don't show the tantrums and screaming. They don't show your own tears when you’re touched out and not ready for anything more than a shower and a sleep - but oh, you can’t, because a baby needs you. It’s not easy! 

  6. No one knows your perfect family size. You could be perfectly happy to keep your family a three-piece and be done with that and no one else beyond your bubble would know that your perfect family size is a three. There are so many cultural pressures of having two children, a dog and a picket fence, but every family is more perfect just because it’s the one you have created. There is no one perfect sized family except the one that’s perfect for you!

  7. No one knows your preferences for age difference. When your first baby is a year old, that’s when the general nods start happening for another baby to come along. The thing is, there is no perfect age gap to have a family! You could have a ten year old and then decide you’re here for another baby again. You do not need a perfect two years between children; two young ones is HARD!

  8. No one asks if you’re ready. One of the biggest things that people feel pressured over is that they may not feel ready yet, and no one seems to ask - they just assume! So, instead of worrying about whether you should have another baby based on pressuring questions, ask if you’re ready at all.

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